XX.XII: Infinite Stone

The #42Minutes

SVU is called to a scene and the detectives quickly recognize the signatures of the Infinity Rapist, a man who terrorized New York City in the 80's and 90's. Carisi discovers Ben Stone's name on the old case files and little Ben Stone becomes obsessed with closing the case once and for all. After locking up a copycat, Carisi uses SVU's version of Ancestry DNA to find a familial match on the sample recovered from the old evidence. They're temporarily stymied when the judge tosses the evidence, but they pick up the perp (Uncle Edgar) on some type of traffic charge or unpaid tickets or something like that (I can't remember, I was dozing off by that time and I want to rewatch about as much as I want to go to the dentist) and Benson and Stone dramatically read and ruminate on letters and cards in front of him until he confesses.

Take a fuckin key, will ya?

On the home front, Noah's all bent out of shape because Jeremy's bugging him about not having a Dad and Benson handles the difficult conversation beautifully...and then, after leaving work early to spend some quality one-on-one time...sends him out to play catch with Stone. Chances are, when they return, she'll be three quarters of the way through a bottle of red because, what else to do?

Bye, Edgar.

Verdict

Oh, let's see...

Since I'm uninterested (to put it mildly) in Stone, watching an entire episode devoted to a case concocted purely to display more of his anguish was close to intolerable. That we were supposed to believe he'd harbored anger at his father all these years for missing baseball stuff because he was chasing down the rapist was...insulting? Annoying? Frustrating? A waste of #42Minutes?

Since the whole Stone thing was invented last season, I guess it would have been challenging to actually make the episode about an old, unsolved SVU case, but it certainly would have made it more appealing. I just cannot buy into his heartache and gloomy, low-key brooding. First of all, Philip Winchester's acting is terribly insincere. Every. Single. Line. is spoken in the same clipped, monotone fashion, so in addition to Chernuchin holding him in front of the audience screaming "LOVE HIM" he's also the most boring character in the history of SVU and maybe television.

This week in InvestigationFaces

You know that song "Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson? I have the chorus in my head except it goes like this: We're all stars now, in the Stone show...

I will say...Stone had a chance to win some legal hearts and minds if he would have anticipated the judge throwing out the DNA evidence (as he should have), but instead his argument is basically "agree with me because I'm me." Oh, but wait! I take that back! If the evidence had not been thrown out we wouldn't have had the pleasure of witnessing the cringeworthy Benson and Stone playacting confession scene...it seems Michael Chernuchin has anointed Stone with a new title--DDA (Detective District Attorney).

Anyway, his legal chops are lacking. Barba wouldn't have done that....especially not on Carisi's assurance. I really miss Barba throwing legal shade his way.

I don't think ANYONE approved of how the final minute of the show turned out but I now have one lingering question...where was Stone planning to change clothes?

CARMEN!!!!

Quotable

"I ain't cuffin this guy." Same, Fin. Same.

"Now I'm asking permission." Classic Carisi--eager to please, a little sycophantic...adorable. 

"...the 5-5..." Ooo! A tiny shred of continuity. Kudos, Julie, you're the best.

Carisi always has such a way with the weirdos.

Is it Next Thursday, Yet?

Whatever the eps are about...they'll go like this:

1. Crime
2. Investigation (preferably led by Stone unless PW has the episode off to try and learn to be less boring)
3. Meet at bar (Stone plus one)
4. Meet at waterside for a heart-to-heart.

Carisi sure cozied up quickly to Uncle Edgar's niece...Annie? Amy? (see above note about remembering and rewatching). Is this the girl?

My whole fan life right now is consumed with dreading the return of Cassidy. I'm fixated on my prediction that Stone is going to reveal Cassidy's abuse to Benson, and, of course, I'm always consumed with constant sadness (fanwise not in general, don't worry) because WHY DOES TUCKER NEVER EVER GET MENTIONED? It's not like he was some random booty call. But, of course, Noah aged so quickly his brain probably never formed those memories. #IMissJack

We're. All. Stars. Now. In the Stone show...