18.7-Last Chapter (error intended)

The Case in 187 Words

Tucker tells Benson he wants to spend the rest of his life smelling flowers with her and, presumably, Noah. Benson keeps checking her phone (as if we didn’t know she’s a cop). Tucker presses her to think about their future, but the immediate future calls for Benson meeting Fin at Manhattan’s latest crime scene. Confident about who attacked her, Quinn IDs the rapist as a guy who’s stalked her since college, so naturally the detectives follow up on this tip which leads them to a dead end because the guy has a solid alibi. Meanwhile, Benson and Carisi head to the Garden State to interview retired-cop Cole who has maintained a relationship with the victim since stalker Ray was caught in her closet a few years ago. The detectives get a break from a cigarette butt found outside Quinn’s building; however, the squad knows Wilson didn’t do it, so, duh, it’s Tom Cole. Mrs. Cole rolls on her husband who has kidnapped Quinn and his headed to his brother’s house where he’s holding Quinn hostage. Benson negotiates. Carisi enters. Carisi almost dies. Benson kills Tom. Yawning yet?

My Thoughts in Unlimited Words

DISCLAIMER: I'm madly in love with #Tuckson and also I'm very upset.

I like to think I have created a fairly balanced Twitter timeline for myself, but how in the hell did anyone think this episode was anywhere near acceptable? I scrolled, wide-eyed, at numerous tweets thanking @JulieMartinSVU and @SVUWritersRoom for such an intense episode and WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCK? 

I don't even know where to start. 

With the specter of Tucker's retirement looming over Benson, she and the squad dive into this case. But who on Earth really thinks Benson, at episode 7 in this fucked up SVU18 season is going to commit one way or another to walking away? So, what we get is this introspective, contemplative Lieutenant asking Tom Cole about retirement, glancing wistfully at his pleasant suburban surroundings, calling out Carisi for his cynicism, and, closing the door on the immediate possibility of retirement after compassionately counseling Quinn.

So.

The case was solved after the cigarette butt's pristine DNA came back. Duh. Listen. If these writers are not capable of crafting an intricate plot in 42 or whatever minutes, then let me be the first to remind them that two-parters are acceptable (see Manhattan Transfer and Unholiest Alliance) and weaving in season-long threads is a fun way to bolster continuity and keep your audience engaged and excited (see William Lewis and Greg Yates). We knew Carisi wasn't going to die. We knew Benson wasn't going to die. Thanks to episode shuffles we knew a cliff was out of the question...WAIT...there is a cliff...the #Tuckson cliff. But I'll get to that later.

Attempts at continuity and echoes of past demons were so contrived (yes, I know it's fiction and everything is contrived) that they came off as forced and insincere. Carisi and Benson getting into the car outside of Tom Cole's house. Gosh, guys, that reminded me of Carisi, Benson, and Rollins outside of Munson's house. Benson telling Carisi being a cop makes you more of who you already are. I love the Benson wisdom and that sweet moment, but it didn't fit. It was shoved in there. Please recall Benson counseling Dodds after his first hard case when she tells him to go home and talk to somebody he loves. Now THAT'S how you do #OMBWISDOM, people. Finally, not only was I unaffected by the last few minutes, but excuuuuuuuuse me, I cannot believe OMB would let Carisi go, even to get a different exterior angle, especially when she seemed to have a handle, at that point, on talking Tom out of there. Was this, like, OMB's redemption...a re-do in memory of Sergeant Michael Dodds?

UGH.

Now for Tuckson. You know what, I could almost, maybe, with counseling, handle a Tuckson break up if the show was otherwise good but we seem to be headed for an epitaph reading RIP SVU 1999-2017.

Dear Former Showrunner Warren Leight, I wish you and your staff would have gone rogue and somehow aired the ep where Tucker proposed because this Rick Eid person has apparently been sent to sabotage this relationship in which I thought WE HAD NEVER BEEN HAPPIER? 

Let me back up. Once upon a time, Olivia Margaret Benson wanted a family. Not just a child. She seemed to be interested in balance, things in life other than SVU, and also growing old with somebody. Fast forward to 1/4/17. Tucker bares his soul, pours his heart out, essentially says he wants to be with her forever and ever. So, Benson has to choose between her job and love? I don't believe, after ALL TUCKSON HAS BEEN THROUGH, that Tucker would honestly give her a "retire with me or else" ultimatum. He loves her. I'm convinced he loves her. FFS, do these writers BOTHER WATCHING past episodes? But he also understands her. He knows how important she is to her job and how important her job is to her. At least give us a scene at the end where she goes home and articulates this to him. Here's how it could've gone:

Benson

If I realized anything today it's that I'm not ready. Not yet. 

Tucker

Okay

Benson

But that doesn't mean I don't want a future with you. Because I do.

Tucker (kisses Benson)

That's all I needed to hear

They walk to the bedroom as we fade to black.

This is not hard, people. But, not only is it obvious that someone with major pull despises Tuckson, I also think he hates OMB. Dear Benson, here are your options, CHOOSE ONE.

Style Guide

I didn't see anything new and remarkable or, for that matter, anything old and remarkable.

Shocking.

Fic Writers Could Fill in the Blanks With

Creating their own #Tuckson AUs because there's a gaping hole in this ship.

Ain't No Party Like An SVU Watch Party

I didn't even finish one glass of my Jam Jar Sweet Shiraz. And I'm OBSESSESSED with that stuff! So, at least the show sucking is saving me calories.

Quotable

Fin: Please tell me what time the damn meeting ended.

OMB: Let's catch him (Cole) in a lie. Seriously? That's the best ya got, writers? How old is this Lieutenant? Ten?

OMB: Quinn, this is not your fault, you hear me? Guys like Cole, they're predators. They look for light and they look for goodness and they try to steal it. Promise me you will not blame yourself for this. (okay, that was good...see, I can be a little bit objective).

Rollins: You're starting to worry me, Nate.

Rollins and Fin "interrogating" Tom Cole at the diner...not even the ominous background music could make that suspenseful.

Tucker: Hopefully with someone like you. SOMEONE? Fuck that. WITH YOU, OMB!

OMB: Sometimes the answer is as simple as it seems. Ah-hem, um, OMB, gonna needja to look in the mirror and repeat.

be careful be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful be careful, be careful

retire, retirement, retire, retirement,retire, retirement, retire, retirement, retire, retirement

be careful be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful, be careful be careful, be careful
retire, retirement, retire, retirement,retire, retirement, retire, retirement, retire, retirement

Dick Wolf to Rick Eid: We're riding out one last season. Just get something written and filmed.

Is It Next Wednesday Yet?

Well, at least we get to see Noah next week as he reassumes the role as the only male in OMB's life.

Is jaded Carisi thinking more seriously about moving to the DA's office?

Doesn't Fin have a grandson?

Has Jesse's existence erased all of Rollins' demons?

Where's Chief Dodds?

I feel like we're being set up for a series finale.

At one point Twitter was all agog over Benson in a ponytail. Well, at least that's something.

Stay tuned for an all new This Is Us airing Tuesday, January 10. 9/8 Central.