Winter Finale!

The #42 Minutes

Katy the social media star goes on a date with Andy the fighter and the date ends up with Katy raped and stumbling down a Tribeca street. At the hospital she refuses a rape kit and recants. Suspect Andy himself invites SVU over to his gym, argues the sex was consensual, and shows the detectives evidence of a (paltry considering he's worth millions) extortion attempt. The vic wasn't very vic-ey and the perp wasn't very perp-y (except for the tough-guy MMA fighter persona and, oh, that striated, chewed up and put-back-together ear).

Nobody knows what in the hell is going on, at once Andy and Katy both look guilty and innocent, until all signs point to a double catfish and Mays--something, West Virginia. Carisi and Rollins almost kiss, Rollins sleeps with a random bartender (surprise), Carisi broods, MMA Andy has a heart, and Hillbilly Heather is going to prison for a long time.

Oh, and also, Noah takes a lot of apples to school and he's now missing for the holidays.

Ramblings

Ramblings are a lot better when I have something to bitch and moan about and I do (Sheila) but the actual episode was intense, highly entertaining, and perfectly layered with personal and legal drama. Every character involved in the trial, in one way or another, earned my sympathy. All three of them had fairly harmless initial intents perverted by something beyond their control. Even Heather. I mean, damn, the pressure of being the sole caregiver of a seriously ailing mother? And then, to add insult to serious injury she lives in bumble fuck West Virginia and her wildest dream is doing the Laverne and Shirley thing in New York?

Loved how the characters were written so the audience jumped to assumptions fueled by stereotypes only to have those assumptions challenged and proven wrong

Do we think the writers are familiar with fans? I'd make some crack about the Blue whatever it was shampoo obsession among Katy's followers, but I diiiid kinda whip out the credit card as soon as Mariska tweeted "Terax" and made sure to add express shipping.

I SO hate it when I'm sorta hungover after a night of drinking and almost sleeping with a friend/colleague and considerately buy breakfast and coffee only to witness the one-night-stand leave her hotel room.

Rollins knows THE Monster's stats a little too well which I would disregard except I can't help but wonder if she's gambling again and was I the only one who thought the pain-in-the-ass remark at Carisi as she basically told him to grow the fuck up hinted at a previous sexual rendezvous between the two of them? But then again, if that were the case, why wouldn't they have hooked up in WV? Or maybe they did it once in a moment of weakness and promised to not go there again? But damn writers and actors you're scrambling my brain because "Rafa" and Sonny sure looked happy to see one another. And to circle back for a second, I coulda done without Rollins recalling banging RJ's brains out behind the bar in Loganville and also what's wrong with her mom? Cirrhosis?

Rafa. Ugh.

I love episodes like this. The snark, the banter, the heartache...and the suspense...just really well done.

BUT...

Nobody told me we were playing the Olivia Benson WTF Face Drinking game. Next time, I guess. Except I try to dry out in January. Well, not on Wednesdays I guess.

While we're on the subject of OMB WTF faces, she regarded members of her squad with incredulity multiple times, and it emphasized her isolation...they may have her back but she's not really one of the group anymore. Which is fine. But I don't want her to be alone I want her to be with Tucker because I guaran-fucking-tee you Tucker's retired ass would be tailing Grandma Sheila on her outings with Noah. Lol. Can't you just see him? All cranky and pissed off and disagreeing with OMB's decision but respecting it and...okay I'll stop writing Fan Fiction.

Why didn't Noah SCREAM?

Oh, and for someone who needed translation services (good one, OMB), Carisi sure did have a good eye for where Heather's room was located. 

Quotable:

"We're both new at this." Oh stop it, Olivia. Sheila fucked up. No, she didn't fuck up. That was not an accident. She did it on purpose, selfishly and maliciously, and IDK if she orchestrated the kidnapping or not, but this woman is POISONOUS. While we're on the subject, could the two of them be any more awkward around each other? No joke, I cringe every time they're in a scene together. EVERY TIME.

"Sorry no deal or sorry I hurt you and you'll take the deal?" LOLOLOLOL Andy's doing the right thing (love) but Barba's all like yeah yeah yeah, enough talking let's hammer this out so we can move on.

Noah "ended up in the right ZIP code with the right people." Well, that's all there is to it, right? Except...I gather Sheila's idea of "right people" is her family and I'm 70% leaning toward she orchestrated this whole thing, 20% on the side of it's revenge for something OMB did, and 10% it's Cassidy.

"Nope, not yet, but I still got 10,000 pictures to go through." Oh, shutup Carisi.

"...or he could just move to Hollywood."
"Don't people know porn's free these days..."
Oh, Fin.
And the way OMB looked at him. Surely the actors had to film that scene a few times.

"I'm so glad." Bahahahahaha
I really hope OMB hasn't been spending evenings drinking tea with Sheila when she could be spending them cuddled up with Tucker.

Wardrobe

It's TRENCH COAT SEASON!

Oh, and after Noah is recovered, take that fur-lined hooded coat into evidence and leave it there. Those are gross and the fur gets all matted and encrusted with preschooler crumbs and bits of eraser and glue...it's just disgusting. Thanks.

Tucker Files

This was sunken ship torture in the most serious degree. And I thought "Eddie" and smelling the flowers in the morning were bad.

"Who is the hand?"

OMB struggling to find someone who "has her back" and she can TRUST? (Hint: that person is not B.C. He essentially turned her in to child services FFS. Also, he's a jackass.)

"Looks like there may be a heart somewhere under all those muscles." REMEMBER HOW YOU FOUND A HEART UNDER THAT ornery, rigid, hard-nosed exterior of a certain former IAB investigator? Yeah, me too. Why don't ya give him a call?

Is It Next Wednesday Yet?

Can. Sheila. Just. Go. Away.?

Or die? Sure, Olivia will have to talk to him about death and why Mommy shot Granny and maybe he'll have nightmares but I can handle that. Pleeeeeeeeease can we make a New Year's Resolution that someone else's kid or family can be in peril? It would've made WAY more sense for Jesse to be taken by the people who own Rollins' gambling debt. Isn't it about time for them to get out of prison? Or bring Declan back and out of UC ops and someone takes his kid as payback?

Or, or, or, or....

Happy Holidays, ya'll.

I hope Santa brings each and every one of you a big, red Range Rover.

Or its equivalent.

For Your Emmy Consideration...

The #42 Minutes

Students on a field trip to the Museum of Natural History discover Laurel Linwood, barely conscious, on the exhibit hall floor. As advertised, very little else happens outside of the precinct as Benson works to piece together Laurel's evening so she and the squad can ID the rapist. Fin and Carisi easily find a suspect but they find him dead with a pair of scissors jammed in his face and suddenly Laurel is both suspect and victim (and if this had been an Eidisode there probs would have been bar video of her actively seducing the dude and also most of the ep would've occurred in the hospital emergency room with the detectives bumbling about trying to figure out how to get Laurel to speak).

Sorry.

The more Benson tries to draw out information from Laurel, the details become more convoluted, and we learn both Laurel and her sister are harboring deep-seated trauma. The abuse suffered at the hands of their father spills out over the sister's objections, and even the Lieutenant (who must have by now at least 20 years of SVU experience?), is shocked by the horrifying family secret.

Laurel predicts she's going to prison, but surely any mildly competent attorney would use her obviously fragile state of mental health in her favor. The detectives escort her out leaving a mentally and physically exhausted Benson to collect herself in the dawn of a new, sunny day.

Ramblings:

The episode's art--the camera angles, the lighting, the acting--was superb. Benson sounded like Benson, and surely there were many moments on set when she and Melora Walters left everyone speechless. It was, collectively, an extraordinary performance.

A +
Emmys all around!

Buuuuuuuut....the actual story lacked intensity. Maybe I've watched too much SVU or have too much of a morbid mind or both but as soon as the father's funeral detail emerged I knew he had something more to do with whatever happened to Laurel other than that he was dead. The sister's demeanor was aloof from the beginning and caused me to zero in even more on the father so much so that I doubted myself and snickered, "nope, not him, too obvious."

I suppose the redeeming quality of the script was the broader point about the irrevocable and far-reaching effects of domestic physical and psychological abuse on not only the immediate victim but the entire family. The soul is not dead quote will be tweeted and retweeted and included in bios and GIFed and tattooed...but Benson's ripple metaphor is the overlooked gem of the dialogue.

"...they grow bigger and bigger and bigger destroying everything in its wake...that's what your father did. He threw an insidious rock into your family and it covered all of you."

Speaking of dialogue...

Oh, wait...in my weekly I'm-still-pissed-about-Tuckson commentary...I am convinced the writers intentionally keep poking us in the shoulder with subtle references like smelling flowers and the phrase "collateral damage" which inevitably conjures memories of the masterpiece Collateral Damages and the official unveiling of #Tuckson and the arm grab and the "Ed just give me five minutes" and the "one of you wanna join me" and the hand on the small of her back, and, and, and...

They'll have to pry that ship from my cold, dead hands...

QUOTABLE

"Alone..."

"Hatred..."

"Father..."

"You could not be more wrong."

"I think I'm here to help you understand that. This I know."

Mariska absolutely killed this...she did a remarkable job of showing OMB exuding empathy one minute, struggling to keep her past at bay the next, and then giving in and allowing those demons to bubble back to the surface. Finally she goes all you really have no fucking clue, sister and it was so badass when she flipped off the audio and yanked the blinds closed. I am officially never ever ever taking any stock in a preview ever again, but even though I spent the #42Minutes bracing for OMB to expose a previously hidden wound I did think the juxtaposition of the two women both broken by fathers reemphasized why we love Olivia Margaret Benson so much. She has every reason to wear her damage and demons on her sleeve, but she's turned all that ugliness into a purposeful and heroic life.

"You couldn't get her to say word one." Sorry, Rollins. LOLOLOLOLOL

Wardrobe:

Not much to comment on this week, so let's just admire Mariska a little more.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears 

      Looms but the Horror of the shade, 

And yet the menace of the years 

      Finds and shall find me unafraid. 

It matters not how strait the gate, 

      How charged with punishments the scroll, 

I am the master of my fate, 

      I am the captain of my soul. 

Is It Next Wednesday Yet?

Not looking forward to Sheila absconding with Noah but, then again, maybe Benson or someone else will have to shoot her.

A #Secret Theory

What is the secret?

I've been cynical because the last (canon and aired) secret was the middle name, and I'm still hesitant to get excited about what I see as a hit-or-miss 19th season. However, it's been 24 hours and I can't shake this theory.

Benson's secret being that she was raped is a little too easy.

I think she was unknowingly in the early stages of pregnancy when she was first kidnapped by William Lewis and, as a result of her injuries and the entire ordeal, she miscarried.

This fits into the Benson-as-Mom-Centric arc of the season (even though I think I read somewhere this episode is supposed to be a standalone HargiShowcase), and it ties into her breakup with Cassidy and his subsequent S19 mini-rant about her unwillingness to talk to him. There is just enough lack of S15 detail to leave the door open to this possibility, and imagine how conflicted Olivia would've felt when she learned the news that she'd been carrying a child...and then thinking she was "over it" and wanting to be pregnant only to realize that Brian Cassidy was not and would never be the third piece of that puzzle. Imagine that Benson rock-bottom-ness...how excruciating it must have been for her then how exhilarating to...get her soul back...on Judge Linden's hunch...

I'm sure the more savvy  SVU fans will rabidly toss this aside quickly, but, like I said, I can't stop thinking about it.

But, then again, maybe I've become too attached to This is Us.

Nooch.6: When Not Everyone Is Sorry For Your Loss...

The #42 Minutes:

Natalie Curtis is discovered raped and dead from an overdose in the East Village and the investigation leads SVU from an overly tatted and grilled heroin dealer to a high-end rehab center to a shady sober house, and back again to the rehab center and its seemingly principled yet corrupt director, Dr. Barkley who ends up getting a taste, err, of his own medicine.

I'll never understand the allure of the grill.

In a pleasant departure from the previous five episodes, the case was less a "whodunit" and more of an indictment against the array of nefarious people who prey on addicts and their families.

Sheila continues to linger...but hopefully we're headed for denouement as far as she's concerned. The whole thing has run its course; however, Sheila and the Curtises and Rosemary illuminate and reinforce for Benson the reality that parents can do almost everything right and still be powerless when things go totally wrong.

Ramblings:

Gotta admit, I thought Rosemary (Annie Corley did an a had something to do with whatever Lux was hiding and I also thought Rollins' undercover assignment was going to involve her being a patient rather than an aide on a trial run. Given the way the episode opened, I was sure Amanda was going to be Kristy's strung-out roommate and something a la Sealview would ensue, but...wrong-O! Nice job keeping us guessing Elizabeth Rinehart.

Rosemary did offer up the aide opportunity a little too quickly but I guess people aren't flooding her with resumes for a job like that.

Lucy, I recommend you start looking for other gigs because Grandma Sheila went from awkward tea and convo and no-you're-not-staying-with-Noah to one of Manhattan's preferred babysitters, so Luc, you need to get on the #ByeFelicia train but maybe you're done nannying anyway. While I no longer think Sheila's planning to do anything wicked like kidnap Noah, I am annoyed that suddenly she gets an all-access pass to Benson. Maybe poor Tucker's coffee invite in Chasing Theo was ill-timed and it wasn't Noah-related but stillllll...Sheila calls and Benson drops everything to meet her at, um...the same fucking place as "we've got a good thing going here the three of us"...like, come on set people, you couldn't pick literally ANY OTHER SITE IN MANHATTAN?

I consider all of this felony Tuckson taunting.
Oh, and also, I'm not so sure I woulda sipped that cappuccino. 

And, just so we're clear, three of us is with Tucker, not her.

But, okay, okay, I get it...the story of Natalie sort of paralleled Ellie's in a way and one minute everything's fine and she was playing soccer and Ellie was buying prom dresses and the next minute they're gone...OMB realizes she has compassion for everyone but Sheila and the hand grab was sweet and at least she's at peace with her presence in Noah's life so now can she just be relegated to a few mentions here and there?

Quotable

"I gotta get over it, right?" You recall Ellie left the safe house only to end up found incinerated on the side of a road. And maybe OMB harbors some guilt that someone's worst nightmare ended up bringing her such happiness, but yes, OMB, you gotta get over it.

"Figure out another way in." Ahhh, some Barba-Rollins collusion just like the good old Yates at Green Haven days.

And ya know, sometimes Rollins doesn't have to speak:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

"Illegal search...illegal search...illegal search..." Okayyyyy, Lieutenant we get it; however I do appreciate you letting her off the hook because after all you forgave Fin for his little extralegal jaunt to Cuba but maybe OMB would like to consider a gentle Come-to-Jesus with those two.

"What are you? A bat?"
"What?"
Poor Carisi.....

"I'm the bitch that's gonna..." Twitter loved this line but I guess I'm in the minority in thinking it was slightly OOC but I know we're all craving badass Benson and that was pretty fucking badass especially since I'm gonna have nightmares about that guy for the rest of the week. Scarrrrrryyyyy.

But then "Find Mr. Stache..."

LOL

Wardrobe

Just when I thought I could love no trench more than her black one...

"You will get nowhere in this field without the requisite drab, heavy sweater."

I don't blame ya, Rosemary, I loved that one, too. 

Is it Next Wednesday Yet?

Well, I'll be looking to see if Noah's room has been rearranged once again because wasn't the door in the wrong place in this episode? And his bed is now against the wall? And he's an infielder who likes the Yankees because, of course, "Eddie's" taken him to a game or two...riiiiight? Because Tucker is totally a Yankees fan.

Before the premiere I sat back on the sofa with a satisfied smile and thought oh good, I won't be brooding over this fucking show for three weeks only to watch the promo for "Something Happened" and how in the hell am I supposed to work and prepare Thanksgiving dinner for twelve people when I'm going to be predicting and unpredicting and repredicting OMB's secret until next, next, next Wednesday?

Nooch.5: A (not-so) Complicated Road to Nothing

The #42 Minutes:

Nice juxtaposition of KillerBrother and the Family Photo

The episode begins with the Family Court hearing where Judge Linden covers her bases and Langan plus a hand-wringing Benson are all "come on" and the whole hearing ends up being pointless because bulldog I-wanna-vacate-the-adoption Sheila backs down and claims, claims, she simply wants a relationship with her grandson. Later on, Benson decides to let her meet Noah; thus taking control of the situation rather than be burdened with court-ordered visitation.

In between, Not-Emma-Lawrence (who reminded me a hell of a lot of Ellie Porter with better teeth) shows up after sixteen years missing and is reunited with her family which gives Carisi a temporary sense of I-done-good but he gets all detectivey and runs the girl's photo through facial recognition and, oopsie! she's not who she says she is. But the Dad and Glen already knew that because they have a deep...deep...deeply (actually it wasn't so deep) buried secret which somehow a young boy managed to keep and not give away during the intense initial investigation.

SVU arrests Not-Emma and she comes clean about her past--abusive home, saw the Lawrences on television, and figured they needed a replacement daughter which was great because she needed somewhere to go. At 21 Not-Emma was relegated to dangerous adult shelters which sounded a lot like Pretend when the girl faked being a high school student because she aged out of foster care and didn't know what to do.

But that wasn't the only blast from the past...

Complicated/Merchandise

Ramblings:

I hate seeing an anguished OMB. I really do. It makes me want to jump through the screen and hug her and send Thinking of You greeting cards and puppy photos and hang-in-there memes to Olivia.Benson@nypd.org. There are a zillion actors out there but none are as good as Mariska in this role and I blame her 100% for my inability to draw the line between reality and fiction.

The court scene at the beginning gutted me and everyone else except maybe Rick and Dick and Trump but I had to laugh when Benson and Langan both stood up to remind the judge that the child abuse case had been dismissed and I kept flashing back to Benson saying "I'm the one who asks the questions" because she was about to say "fuck this," push Langan aside, and go all Barba in that drab courtroom.

Rewinding a bit, gawwwwd I love how Peter looks at his wife; even though they're playing a role his eyes betray his adoration for her and I am so here for it.

So Sheila, perhaps on the advice of her silent lawyer, realized the law wasn't on her side and went for the less severe visitation request but things with her past and Ellie's past still aren't adding up. I mean, her PI must've really sucked. She could have asked Ariel's mom who probably would've only asked to be reimbursed for travel. And Ellie apparently lied about all that foster care business...or maybe we're not supposed to remember?

Swinging over to the case...maybe it was Glen's overall demeanor but I knew he did it, whatever it was, very early in the show. The acting was good but the case? Cll me high-maintenance, but the twists were more like foreseeable gentle curves I thought maybe the whole Florida thing was, perhaps Emma's forced second identity and there actually was a Steve and, being in Florida, maybe Cassidy had something to do with it when he tried to retire there (haha) but in the end Not Emma was just another Not Heather Hallender.

But seriously--what if Cassidy did go to the dark side and use the knowledge gained undercover to start an "escort service" in the Sunshine State and OMG that service is connected to a guy who owns a swanky, oceanside resort and everyone thought he was a douche and happy to hang out on the golf course and do reality shows but ends up running for President?

Sorry--that thought got away from me...

Even though I am vehemently opposed to prolonged OMB torture I am simultaneously elated and befuddled that the whole Will She Keep Noah question abruptly went away.

In the Wouldn't It Be Nice If Tucker Were There Department...Ed coulda been feeding sick Noah applesauce and saying okay no more cartoons but really allowing him to watch all the freaking TV he wants and Ed coulda been on Face Time and WHO WOULD NOT WANT TO SEE ALOOF TUCKER SCOWLING AT GRANDMA FROM THE CORNER OF THE LIVING ROOM?

Quotable:

The precious Barba-Benson convo...

"How do you feel about that?"
"...I'm just doubting myself at every turn."
"...You can trust your instincts."

*Clunk.

Have I mentioned I have an extreme dislike for seeing OMB upset?

Ugh.That angle.

Graciously, Benson (I'm assuming) invites Sheila for coffee and, yep, the articles were right, they both have valid points. OMB also had to recognize a parallel. She and Sheila are close in age and Benson is only a Noah away from being completely alone like Grandma and...like Mrs. Lawrence. Benson's gigantic heart has been an obstacle in the past and it certainly looms large now. I'm interested to see when and how the two of them warm up to one another especially with Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas coming up and also Noah's birthday but perhaps his approximate DOB is a little detail I was also supposed to forget.

What we didn't see was the two of them arranging the visit and agreeing on the time and Benson remarking a bit caustically, "you know the address."

"Do you want to see my room?" NO! NO THIS STRANGER IS NOT ALLOWED IN THE BE---oh well, okay. Obviously Mommy spent some quality prep time with sweet Noah but I was fucking annoyed at "This is Sheila" and then Sheila saying "I'm your Grandmother" and if OMB was okay with that why didn't she say it first?

Check w/ someone RE: PA oranges

"I just wanted a family." OMB gets it, Britt.

"Was this your first day of school?" Leading much, Carisi?

Wardrobe:

Striped Benson! Glasses and striped Benson! Powder blue blouse Benson! AND SHE HAD THE NECKLACE ON AT THE END! THE ONE FROM THIGH GRAB! AGAIN! (Yes, I know it means that's what @SVUStyle gave her to wear but I'm going down swinging, y'all).

Mommy and Me framed artwork!

Is It Next Wednesday Yet?

Actually, I could use a break.

I don't see this approach sustained over two more seasons. Aside from Noahgate, these are standalone episodes which, other than the first two, lack the fiery, edge-of-your-seat, pins-and-needles, SVUness I used to love so much.

And what a disappointment to see Stranger almost exactly replicated.

Unless there's more to it and Sheila turns out to be a conniving, ill-intentioned sociopath who OMB has to arrest for stalking, I'm no longer interested enough in her role to want to see much more of the character (although Brooke Shields is awesome). Or, in a really rosy Tucksony twist, if OMB comes to realize it's okay to let people in (to her life, that is, her building is open-access) and that brings the Captain back, Sheila can be my Grandma, too.

As the show closed, Benson's expression revealed her inner torment. There she was, all alone, obviously second-guessing her decision as Noah all-too-happily led Grams to his room for story time. Hmmm. Come to think of it...I've seen that look before...

Go 'head, Liv. Call him.

Lastly...

Complicated? 

Really, Céline?

Nooch.4: A Good Final Few Minutes

The #42 Minutes

OMG this Blog...EXTRA!

For the first time in #SVU History (I think, forgive me, I'm not @notjustvawnly) Olivia Benson takes the stage to address bullying, violence, and sexual assault and harassment with group of high school kids. In one of the most brilliantly written, poignant, timely, play-over-and-over-again-and-also-steal-the-lines-for-real-life scenes, our beloved Lieutenant expertly cajoles a group of teenagers into casting aside their inherent teenagerness. By the time the camera faded out, I almost forgot there was someone named Sheila Porter because there were tears running down my face and my heart was all clenchy in a good way because it IS possible for kids to be steered down a road of empathy and recognize the value in their collective humanity.

Bravo to the writers for going for empowerment rather than victim blaming, but I shouldn't have to "Bravo" for that. Not in 2017. And not in 2007. Or 1007.

But anyway.

Oh, before that there were 37 minutes and 10 seconds of show and also some commercials.

Random Ramble:

JULIE!!! LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH ALMOST SIX MINUTES!

SVU has done bullying before and they've done passed-out rape before, but this time they zeroed in on the right age. Since I commandeered the bottom floor of my townhouse and turned it into my office (hey, my husband has 2.5 offices in our home, I deserve ONE right?), I have had a magazine article entitled The Science of Mob Aggression taped to my wall.

Teenagers are a mob. They are a partially-developed-brain-prone-to-impulses-and-following-the-crowd mob and the ability to hide behind a digital wall only exacerbates an already innate characteristic. Teenagers will not change.

Not sure where OMB ends and MH begins.

BUT! BUT! BUT! They CAN be redirected! They can be guided by caring adults to channel that natural tendency toward vicious groupthink into a "mob" favoring compassion over cruelty. But this would take a sustained, concerted, unyielding effort on the part of adults everywhere. I'm not terribly optimistic, but it can be done. I have no doubt that final scene could be recreated in real life. It NEEDS to be created in real life. Too many young lives have been ruined, cut short, or irrevocably derailed for us to ignore the devastating effects of bullying, harassment, violence, and sexual assault. Think of how many lives could be CHANGED if we all made an effort today to help at least ONE young child develop a sense of empathy.

The writers were sitting on a gold mine of a gripping, compelling episode and, sadly, the first 37:10 felt like they didn't quite know how to get to that end scene. Almost like they'd written it first and needed to fill in blanks. I was so bored for the first 37:10 I was TEXTING in addition to writing notes and occasionally Tweeting, but I was even bored with Twitter.

For the record, I never text during #SVU.

Never.

Not even during Eidteen.

But let's not dredge up the past.

I work with teenagers. The bullying, the constant, escalating cyberbullying these young people are capable of spewing was watered down and almost not even articulated because we had to interview Max and Andrew and arrest them in class and Max had to be beaten up and...

Poor baby--searching for a safe identity.

Let's consider the following alternatives:

Option A: The actual rape is solved immediately. Barba this, Barba that, court, whatever, but the focus of the ep is actually on how quickly the cyberbullying fervor can catch on in schools, even among the meek and the seemingly marginal/indifferent populations and then have the trial center on whether or not this type of peer pressure qualifies as grounds for a type of temporary mental illness and acquittal.

Option B: Barba touched on an emerging debate: how responsible are schools for what their students text/disseminate online even outside of school hours? This would've been an interesting blurred line to navigate and could also have included new single mom BFFs Benson and Rollins in a more natural BFF scenario than what was written but more about that later.

Option C: As Rollins takes the lead, she flashes back to her teenagehood (who would play the teenage Rollins?), eventually culminating in the tattoo reveal in Mandy's new, scrubbed bedroom. She mentioned a "stupid thing." Why not connect the dots in her own traumatic past back to her formative years in Loganville?

Option D: Set Andrew's allocution earlier. Do people really think 15 year-olds would automatically hear "Everyone should know you were telling the truth" and then be like "Oh, okay, sorry Mandy."  Doesn't happen that way. In real life there would be a cadre of nasty hater brats claiming his words were only to get out of more jail time. C'mon. SVU consults with doctors and lawyers and cops and shrinks. Ya'll can't get a teacher on your part-time payroll?

TIME FOR A TWITTER POLL!

Quotable:

"It's gonna be something we never saw coming." A little mom-banter results in OMB full disclosure about Sheila and thank gawwwwd PorterMama got a door shut in her face but can we get to the history already? Cuz I'm beyond annoyed. And also--so OBVIOUSLY Benson never saw Sheila coming because as Rollins so conveniently reminds us, Ellie said her parents were dead (but maybe her mom was just gone and the mom she knew was really a stepmom? Like maybe Sheila was in the Peace Corps combating HIV/AIDS in Africa for the past twenty years?). Dear Writers, remember we're smart! Please STOP REPEATING LINES WORD FOR WORD. Thank you. :-)

I'm sick of it too, Rollins.

"Magical Thinking on my part...If I don't do anything about it, it will just go away."
Ummmmmm, this is very un-OMB-like. Also, Judge Linden's on your side, sister. And also...

"Trevor?" Has she called him Trevor before? And while we're at it--Andrew DRAKE? There are like a bazillion surnames from which to choose. IDK why I'm getting all hung up with names. Unless it's Ed.

ED!!!!!!

Oh fine.

When Rollins asked if everything was okay at home why couldn't Benson's line have been:

"Yes. Noah's there with Ed. They'll finish dinner without me." Sigh. Brushes hair to the side. "Yet again."

Rollins gives her a little knowing smirk like okayy, Tucker's back. And they go to work.

IT'S NOT THAT HARD, PEOPLE!

Wardrobe:

Love OMB in stripes and I also thought it was cute that she was coming from home and they were making her look like she'd dressed in a hurry but I'm pretty sure OMB dressed in a hurry is equivalent to me prepping for hours and also paying the makeup girl at Belk to do my face.

Damn they cute.

I HEART OMB in a police jacket. Especially when hustling out of the SUV. But I wonder...does the hair go up before they leave the precinct? At a light? Oh, wait, cops don't stop at lights. Especially not on their way to a nasty apartment in Newark. I really should occupy my mind with more productive thoughts.

What's that new ring on not-Benson's-ring-finger?

At the end she was wearing the necklace she was wearing at the end of Unholiest Alliance when Tucker grabbed her thigh just sayin.

Is It Next Wednesday, Yet?

Let's not ever do this again. Kay?

On a lighter note, they're turning Rollins into a tryhard. What's with the sudden switch? She and Benson have too much in their past to just all of a sudden transition to this. Usually I'm cool with off-screen implications, but not in this case.

For the love of God can we get Judge Linden to deny all of Sheila's motions and tell her to go the fuck back to the Granite State? Does anyone really think she can afford to pay a reputable shrink to contest what Lindstrom says? And also...LINDEN GAVE NOAH TO HER! But Lindstrom if you go all ethical and professional I will fucking kill you (is he even casted? Is Linden in the next ep? I need her to rule in OMB's favor and then Shelia will plead with her to at least let her see him and OMB has a big heart and we know where that goes.)

But don't let that kid outta your sight, Benson. FYI--he's the older, taller, moppier-haired version.

Sorry, this whole thing is:

A) aggravating
B) nonsensical
C) taking energy and creativity away from developing a more intriguing SVU-related story
D) NOT MAKING TUCKER COME BACK

Yes I'm into multiple choice lately and yes if Tucker comes back I'll just...well...I'm tired of making these speculative promises.

But I can't help it.

Captain Tucker is such a BabeSoda

Nooch.3: Suffering Enough?

The #42 Minutes:

Fin and Carisi arrive at the Skyline Hotel answering a call and quickly pivot from childhood candy memories to their best WTF faces because that's not ice in that ice bucket.

At the hospital the purported victim, Jason Karr, only claims to remember having drinks and going to his hotel room with a woman named Angela. The squad agrees there must be more to the story after all it's not everyday someone turns up castrated in a hotel stairwell (but it has happened fairly regularly on SVU).

Onward.

Who would say no to this face?

A 911 call, a Visa transaction, and a charmed steakhouse hostess later, they have three suspects who are actually victims, but Karr can't or won't identify his attackers. Carisi shows off his vocabulary to Barba's veiled delight (Yummy!) and suggests they arrest the three women for obstruction, Olivia agrees because given the nature of the injury there's a sexual motivation (duh), Rollins is annoyed, and the women, particularly the aptly-named Evelyn Bundy confess to the setup and the crime. Evelyn accepts a four-year sentence for assault, but Benson lets slip Karr won't have to pay for his crimes due to the statute of limitations on statutory rape BUT HOLD ON! Evelyn subsequently recounts an instance of forcible rape which is incredibly convenient since the clock doesn't run out on that charge. It's a head-scratcher for Rollins, though, because Evelyn's a little tardy with the accusation, and Rollins doesn't say it but she's thinking her boss fucked up a little bit but just like last time she questioned OMB's judgement (last week), everything turned out just fine at least as far as the case is concerned. (Insert weekly Rollins-for-Sarge plug here).

He did it.

A forcible rape conviction seems doubtful until Karr's wife shows up in the squad room with an old student literary journal which sort of corroborated Evelyn's account and also another conch shell which she pointedly produced from her bag and placed on the desk. Cue the eye roll counter (I was at nine).

Since the wife's testimony would be damning and the poem (cork)screwed any chance of fact-based acquittal, Karr's lawyer uses her closing argument to try and convince the jury that justice had already been overserved and it was therefore fair to give Karr a pass, a suggestion which infuriates Barba. He scribbles furiously only to crumple the paper in favor of an ad-libbed verbal counter-punch for the eventual KO.

Karr is found guilty in a case that in real life probably never would have gone to trial. All is right with the world. Especially since Benson can go home and read to Noah without that nagging DA's investigation hanging over her head, but complacency is short-lived. Put the gloves, on, OMB, time for Round Two (btw if the plan is to go a full twelve, I'm out).

Random Ramble:

The case wasn't very interesting. SVU has done years-later revenge before, predatory teachers are definitely not new, and the whole thing too closely mirrored Control (SVU5.09). The suspense of the last two episodes never showed up in this one, even when Langan showed up but maybe I'm already desensitized to everyone on the planet torturing OMB. Additionally, the fairly seamless back-and-forth between #Benoah and cop business disappeared. The flow was off and Director Mister Jean de Segonzac employed some weird angles and jerky cuts which didn't help and as I've mentioned before I've never set foot in a film school and I'm not even confident I'm using the correct terminology, so this could be solely my problem.

Since Fin's spent most of the past couple of years whining about how annoying Carisi is, I found it odd they were all buddy-buddy as the show opened but maybe they're both lonely since #34B hasn't been heard from and neither has Fin's grandson. Even more off-base and flirting with OOC was that Fin knows A Streetcar Named Desire well enough to use "Stanley Kowalski" in a snarky remark, and Carisi isn't familiar with Contrapasso.

Fin, did you just say "sketch?"

You know what? In Gone Fishin' I almost got teary-eyed when Liv connected with the rapist's wife over their children. Like, FINALLY, she can do that. She's a mother. So not only did she "get it" before, now she has the "mom cred" to sincerely and completely empathize on this level. But just like her asking Noah if he invited someone over was cute the first time and hackneyed the second, the scene with young Mrs. Karr crying about not having a family and then Benson (who by this point knows Karr's a monster) tacitly suggesting the Karrs could one day adopt made ZERO sense and was a trite reminder that OMB is once again distracted by the #Benoah-in-peril thread Nooch insists on weaving through this season.

The year is 4015 and OMB is still fighting to keep her son.

Did Langan and Liv ever agree to disagree on who's at fault in what will go down as the least twisty of the latest #SVU twists? If it matters? Trevor said there is no legal basis for the motion, so maybe Grandma will settle for petitioning for visitation?

No, OMB does not need a man but COME ON PEOPLE who doesn't want to see grumbly, pissed off Tucker be her rock through this?

How many of ya'll Googled "New York Adoption Law" last night? I did.

More on this later.

Benson reassuring the women at the beginning of Barba's closing was kinda hilarious.

I hate to nitpick but why were all three of the women at their 20th reunion when one was a year older?

Quotable:

"Rafael. Rafael. Rafael."  Maybe I just prefer hearing Mariska Hargitay pronounce Barba, but for old time's sake let's go back to using the surname. Say what you want about evolving relationship, but hasn't their friendship evolved about as much as it's going to? Maybe he finally came out to Liv? But still....he's BARBA! And shut up, Barson shippers who are about to fire back at me with "But she called Tucker Ed in Collateral Damages, rememberrrr?"

"Rabbits don't eat sushi!" Does that mean you do, Noah? If so, I'm going to need a #Benoah sushi date scene ASAP.

"Let's get her some medical attention, please." Uh, ya think, Judge? Evelyn's hand is kinda bleeding all over the fucking place. IDK about ya'll but this was a little too close to the Jenna Miller "loving her body" on-the-stand meltdown in Heightened Emotions (same judge, too). 

Wish I woulda known sooner that castrated was the night's drinking game word. C'mon, writers, I need to be aware of these things ahead of time. It affects my drink selections.

This quote from Julie-42Minutes-Martin was truncated. The entire version was "Whatever the case, she might have to move in with Tucker." Nice attempt to try and joke your way out of a fuck up.

Wardrobe:

My love for Benson Blazers is not exactly a state secret, but the Best Blazer Award for October 11 goes to Amanda Rollins for the cutout-sleeve black number she wore at the beginning of the episode I have already been tracking one down for myself I'm sure you all care.

I really hate that the first trench coat to appear appeared on the body of Brooke Fucking Sheila Porter.

My co-workers and I look just like this.

Is It Next Wednesday Yet?

What's with this every-crime-has-three-victims/OMB-is-distracted-and-Rollins-notices-and-questions-her pattern we have developing? I've said it before and I'll say it again. Targeting Noah is the easy way out. It's way more difficult to create a season (or more) long recurring story line similar to Yates/Rudnick or the Johnny D sex trafficking ring or even that escort-service-war stupid ass Cassidy was involved in.

Instead the writers are now making up shit to fill in the blanks so it seems plausible that Sheila Porter would have a shot at taking Noah. Ok, so, Ellie lied about her parents and her mom was in New Hampshire anyway; was Langan supposed to vet every Porter in the United States? And another SO WHAT to Judge Linden fast-tracking the adoption. She's the fucking judge. And Noah was, as far as everyone knew, an orphan.

Why are you at my fucking door?

Ellie's story was that she was in and out of foster care and, as a teenager, sold to Little Tino. Was she lying about foster care? Did she instead voluntarily run away? I sure as fuck hope so because if Brooke Shields was such a shitty parent that her daughter was taken from her for SEVERAL YEARS then a) hiring a PI to find said daughter seems a little off and b) why would any judge even consider granting her request?

I do not see Olivia Margaret Mommy Bear Benson willing to open her life and Noah's life to this stranger even for the sake of "family." Please writers do not have her go through some sappy bout of soul-searching and agonizing about how she never had extended family and wants to take a chance and give that to her son in the form of visitations with this woman.

Or, hell, let's do it! And invite Simon along for the ride, too!

Lastly, let's get real, people. I (and everyone else with a brain) already questioned this at length on Twitter but how in the hell does Grandma know where Olivia resides and why does Benson's building have apparently the only open-access policy in Manhattan? You need a code to use the restroom at Starbucks, but the person trying to make Noah Porter Benson Noah Porter again can waltz right up the elevator and knock on the door?