XX.XII: Infinite Stone

The #42Minutes

SVU is called to a scene and the detectives quickly recognize the signatures of the Infinity Rapist, a man who terrorized New York City in the 80's and 90's. Carisi discovers Ben Stone's name on the old case files and little Ben Stone becomes obsessed with closing the case once and for all. After locking up a copycat, Carisi uses SVU's version of Ancestry DNA to find a familial match on the sample recovered from the old evidence. They're temporarily stymied when the judge tosses the evidence, but they pick up the perp (Uncle Edgar) on some type of traffic charge or unpaid tickets or something like that (I can't remember, I was dozing off by that time and I want to rewatch about as much as I want to go to the dentist) and Benson and Stone dramatically read and ruminate on letters and cards in front of him until he confesses.

Take a fuckin key, will ya?

On the home front, Noah's all bent out of shape because Jeremy's bugging him about not having a Dad and Benson handles the difficult conversation beautifully...and then, after leaving work early to spend some quality one-on-one time...sends him out to play catch with Stone. Chances are, when they return, she'll be three quarters of the way through a bottle of red because, what else to do?

Bye, Edgar.

Verdict

Oh, let's see...

Since I'm uninterested (to put it mildly) in Stone, watching an entire episode devoted to a case concocted purely to display more of his anguish was close to intolerable. That we were supposed to believe he'd harbored anger at his father all these years for missing baseball stuff because he was chasing down the rapist was...insulting? Annoying? Frustrating? A waste of #42Minutes?

Since the whole Stone thing was invented last season, I guess it would have been challenging to actually make the episode about an old, unsolved SVU case, but it certainly would have made it more appealing. I just cannot buy into his heartache and gloomy, low-key brooding. First of all, Philip Winchester's acting is terribly insincere. Every. Single. Line. is spoken in the same clipped, monotone fashion, so in addition to Chernuchin holding him in front of the audience screaming "LOVE HIM" he's also the most boring character in the history of SVU and maybe television.

This week in InvestigationFaces

You know that song "Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson? I have the chorus in my head except it goes like this: We're all stars now, in the Stone show...

I will say...Stone had a chance to win some legal hearts and minds if he would have anticipated the judge throwing out the DNA evidence (as he should have), but instead his argument is basically "agree with me because I'm me." Oh, but wait! I take that back! If the evidence had not been thrown out we wouldn't have had the pleasure of witnessing the cringeworthy Benson and Stone playacting confession scene...it seems Michael Chernuchin has anointed Stone with a new title--DDA (Detective District Attorney).

Anyway, his legal chops are lacking. Barba wouldn't have done that....especially not on Carisi's assurance. I really miss Barba throwing legal shade his way.

I don't think ANYONE approved of how the final minute of the show turned out but I now have one lingering question...where was Stone planning to change clothes?

CARMEN!!!!

Quotable

"I ain't cuffin this guy." Same, Fin. Same.

"Now I'm asking permission." Classic Carisi--eager to please, a little sycophantic...adorable. 

"...the 5-5..." Ooo! A tiny shred of continuity. Kudos, Julie, you're the best.

Carisi always has such a way with the weirdos.

Is it Next Thursday, Yet?

Whatever the eps are about...they'll go like this:

1. Crime
2. Investigation (preferably led by Stone unless PW has the episode off to try and learn to be less boring)
3. Meet at bar (Stone plus one)
4. Meet at waterside for a heart-to-heart.

Carisi sure cozied up quickly to Uncle Edgar's niece...Annie? Amy? (see above note about remembering and rewatching). Is this the girl?

My whole fan life right now is consumed with dreading the return of Cassidy. I'm fixated on my prediction that Stone is going to reveal Cassidy's abuse to Benson, and, of course, I'm always consumed with constant sadness (fanwise not in general, don't worry) because WHY DOES TUCKER NEVER EVER GET MENTIONED? It's not like he was some random booty call. But, of course, Noah aged so quickly his brain probably never formed those memories. #IMissJack

We're. All. Stars. Now. In the Stone show...

XX.II: A Snoozer of a Start Leaves Much to be Desired for the Rest of #SVU20

The #42Minutes

A rape victim recalls an assault at the hands of a couple who are quickly identified as Heath and Sadie. As the investigation unfolds and almost comes to a halt, Carisi finds a damning video on Heath's computer which leads the squad away from the more recent crimes and to a 14-year-old kidnapping and murder. As it turns out, Heath is a serial predator who used his medical expertise to keep remaking Cece/Sadie into the perfect woman and, in the process, making her a slave to his desires (this was implied more than it was shown and the episode was worse for it).

Verdict

Well, I suppose we wouldn't want to set the bar too high for the rest of the season...there are, after all, thirteen of these episodes left. In addition to being boring...

• None of the actors gave notable performances. Everyone seemed flat and uninterested which, given the story, is not surprising.
• Having Sadie ask Benson if she's ever been with a woman felt like a cheap attempt at baiting fans who wouldn't mind Benson doing just that, but the looks exchanged between Rollins and Benson and Fin and Carisi were classic.
• As if Benson was going to reveal some juicy details to a perp. Ha.
• I know we only had #42Minutes, but the episode unfolded a little too conveniently for me. Sadie/Cece rolled on Heath instantly after Benson made the "hay" connection; for someone who had been brainwashed by her captor (most of her dialogue was robotically delivered) she defected to Team SVU too quickly
• Annoying camera angles...like...a zoom on the teapot to foreshadow Mrs. Kimball dropping the cups later...ugh. I feel almost as bad for her as I did for Mr. Markowitz. 
• I would have traded half of the first #42Minutes for some legal drama, after all Sadie is both victim and perpetrator, but then again, that means Stone shows up so, never mind. 
• Speaking of Stone, he was used perfectly--off screen, on the phone
• The break room conversation between Benson and Rollins was weird although I can't say I'm surprised Rollins would be enticed to sexual experimentation if it involved Botox and cupcakes (or a fancy, free apartment and regular heart screenings?)

Quotable

"There were three people in that room and and two of them are saying that you're lying." What? WhAT? WHAT? Might be the truth but Benson and her tone were way OOC here. Can you imagine if Rollins had said that? Benson would've ripped her head off behind closed doors!

"Not just a perv; he's a pervmurderer." One of many quips that may have looked good on the written script but fell flat during the scene. 

"Beauty fades." Not for you, OMB.

"And Ava was the sweetener." CUE MY EYE ROLL

Is it Next Thursday, Yet?

After sitting this one out, Stone's coming back with a vengeance next week. Oh goodie. And I'm not going to let him ruin my Dryuary streak so...

Almond Milk, no sugar, just like OMB.