X.V: Who needs detectives when you have a fit tracker?

The #42Minutes

A couple of classic #SVU tropes return in what seemed to be a 42-minute long attempt to prove beyond a reasonable doubt Rollins and Benson can and will be BFFs. As Benson and Rollins whine about physical fitness and single motherhood, the squad investigates a rape homicide, quickly zeroing in on the charismatic con man (trope 1) Arlo who leads a women's empowerment group called Accredo. similar to the most rigidly-structured street gangs, there's only one way to get out, so when one of the women, Vicky, wants to leave, she's killed and the brand (trope 2) signifying she's one of them, is cut out of her flesh.

At first Vicky's old bf, Brad, looks guilty because, after all, he does have Vicky's blood on his clothes, but there's no DNA on his knives, but knives are a dime a dozen, but Brad's on camera with one of the Accredo girls the night of the murder so, duh, he's been framed.

At least Benson gets to read Rollins a story. Poor Noah.

Arlo's wife and a jilted, now-broke, ex-husband give the squad more incriminating evidence, Gina cracks a bit, but the real kicker is Lila's fit tracker data because it soooo proves murder.

Rollins, trying really, really hard in her last week before desk duty, sort of assaults a witness/perp and then gets Arlo's lawyer/sycophant-turned-traitor to turn him in before he can flee the country. Win for #SVU and win for us because...no Stone. Yay!

Except...this was one of the least suspenseful #SVU eps ever. I suppose the only thing better than an ep so controversial it bitterly divides fans is an ep which sparks no conversation at all?

Verdict

The Rollivia shippers must have been bouncing up and down with delight at this one. Stone gets the night off (wonder how he spent it?) and Fin and Carisi sing backup as Benson and Rollins lead the investigation. Sure Rollins is pregnant and they're short staffed and maybe it's what he prefers, but at what point is Fin going to be like, hey? I'm the fucking Sergeant. When am I going to get to pass on moving the furniture? And, Benson, your fit-tracker stalking trainer woulda preferred you get off your ass and go move it, and, btw, we don't need to know he's going to yell at you for not running. This isn't the Benson personal life I was hoping for.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Mariska and Kelli on screen together as friends or as chummy single mothers Does. Not. Work. These actors simply don't have that type of chemistry. Benson demeanor comes off as, "I know I should care and I want to care but I really don't and just fucking deal with it and also do your job, Amanda." And Rollins' is, "I'm so fucking bonkers in the head I don't know which way is up and why is this Arlo guy so good at yanking out my innermost demons and also, I hate my mother and I hate myself for hating her."

This week in Benson desk accessories...WHO TOOK NOAH FISHING? I think you know where I'm going with this...

Rollins seems to come to self-realization of her own at the end, hopefully for good, because goddam she's on my nerves once again.

Noah hanging up on Benson was hilarious. But he's probably mad because he's too old. The real Noah should only be in preschool.  Even if I were to go along with aging the kid and taking away my beloved Jack, Benson went to PRESCHOOL last year to see Ms. Smiley before everyone went all apeshit over Noah's bruises so how he skipped to first grade, IDK, especially since he was all but mute for a while.

Quotable:

Hearing Carisi say "fugly" made me giggle.

"But you're conflicted, aren't you. I can see you're terrified about losing control, about being vulnerable. You've been hurt badly in your life. And I'm sorry about that." You can say that to 90% of people and be spot on or at least conjure some self-doubt.

This week in Fin Sass:
"It's not tough to see why she dropped your ass."
"They got a lotta mashed potatoes up in Sing Sing."
"A foot on her neck?"
"As you were."

This week in Benson wisdom:
"I run my unit."
"Most people in here are in here because they believed a man's lies."
"You can get out by the time you're fifty. And believe me, that's a lot of life left." (Take that, mid-life crisis).


This week in lines hearkening-Tucker:
"plays golf, talks sports, drinks bourbon, smokes cigars..."
"I was scared to be...alone."
"Arraign this prick." (I will forever associate  Benson saying "prick" with her describing Abraham as an "angry prick" to Tucker...that was so hawwwwwt.)

Just call Ed, will ya?

Wardrobe:

Carisi's at his best when standing around clad in polka dots.

Pointless scene/convo of the week goes to:

I thought we'd established long ago Rollins had a crappy home life?

Overacted, overdramatic line of the week goes to:

"the data is uploaded...to the cloud..." Writers, why must you give OMB the eye roll lines?

Is it Next Thursday, Yet?

Well, for me, it's more like is it Friday night or Saturday morning yet?

Will Rollins' cardiologist become Benson's cardiologist? In the doctor-patient sense, I mean. Will Benson become this annoying, fitness-obsessed boss and make everyone do squad health challenges? Damn...that trainer's muscles. I bet Tucker would like her to make dinner and do squats with him.

This is what's running through my mind after the episode. Great.