Recap:
At a swanky after party, twenty-something junior banker Zoe
is reminded by her “mentor” Roger that smart young Wall Street types do not say
“no” to Kings of Wall Street such as Eli Colton, so she reconsiders Eli’s offer
of uber expensive wine and…cut to the next morning and an awkward encounter at
the office between Zoe and Eli tells us that $3500 glass of wine turned into
something more sinister as if being able to afford to drop millions on cases of
rare vintage wine isn’t disturbing enough. Later on, Zoe arrives at the
precinct to report the rape and names her attacker whose picture is on the
front page of the Ledger which is conveniently placed on Benson’s desk…*insert
eye roll #1 here. The squad starts interviewing witnesses and, surprise,
surprise, not only does Zoe admit going to the bedroom (eye roll #2), the
model/prostitute-for-hire and almost every other witness tells the detectives
that Zoe’s behavior was flirtatious and “determined.” So, true to #SVUeidteen
form, the victim “asked for it” (after all she went to his bedroom and was
KISSING HIM because that’s consent in EidEarth) and nobody fucking bats an
eyelash and Eli admits to consensual sex and there’s an email which kinda dings
Zoe’s story (but who on Earth thought she really sent that email anyway?).
Olivia sees the light (literally) and they find the coke dealer and Carisi goes
UC for a few minutes to give the guy a reason to talk, which he does, but Eli
all but rips the wire out of Harry-the-Coke-Dealer’s shirt while they’re having
their extortion/bribery convo. Nothing seems to be going their way, but Benson
goes all corporate on the firm’s CEO who has surreptitiously been video and
voice recording every inch of the firm’s space since the beginning of time, so
they have the evidence except in the meantime Zoe’s been offered a cool 20 million
to shut up and get over it in the form of a job offer which was clearly
arranged by Eli and she’s about to take it until Benson throws in the D-word (and also Kate—another one of Eli’s
victims), and in the most boring court scene ever filmed in the Barba era, Zoe
testifies and I’m assuming they get the conviction.
Ramblings:
Blah blah blah blah blah. This was boring.
#SVUEidteen no longer is all about “Who did it?” It’s all
about “How many people other than the actual criminal can we blame for it?” Eli
was a totally loathsome character, but I didn’t hate him like I should have
because there were so many other people to hate in the episode and one of those
people was very very very almost Olivia Margaret Benson herself.
Eli’s the bad guy, but Roger is just as bad, if not worse. He,
too, is a predator and I can’t believe we wasted stupid ass screen time on
Harry (I’ll get to him in a second) and none on Roger and maybe his family and
maybe his demise and maybe also Zoe’s anguish as she processes what happened
with her options. I for one was screaming TAKE THE MONEY and I know that is
unfair and horrible, but without more Zoe (maybe, perhaps, her being advised by
Kate and not by the perpetually dour and sanctimonious and condescending Lt.
OMB), I honestly was hoping she’d stick to her original decision to take the
job and maybe OMB slips her Lindstrom’s card on the way out.
List of things that didn’t make sense (Eye rolls 3, 4, and
5).
1.
Mmmmkay, Harry the coke dealer who TELLS CARISI
HE IS WELL AWARE OF THE RISK OF HIS PROFESSION, just LETS Carisi come in? Without
calling to check? Dude’s got a hella lotta product in his oven to be so
careless and I can’t imagine the dealer to the financial elite would do
something like that. Sure, Benson, maybe he would dress into a clown suit to
avoid prison, but that doesn’t square—if he’s so squirrely and freaked out and
paranoid he would’ve never let Carisi in….
2.
Barba, at his most skeptical ever (NOW, IF THIS
IS EXPLAINED IN CONTEXT with his “secret” I’ll issue an immediate mea culpa),
goes from whining about more evidence and “we can’t prove it” to “of course,
let’s find another way to bury this prick” in a matter of seconds in what has
to be the oddest conversation in Barson history.
3.
Lastly, a seasoned cop like Fin surely would not
be that impressed with Eli’s apartment. At least, okay, make the “where I grew
up” comment once but then leave it alone. And Benson’s just like, yeah
whatever, shut up and investigate before she (like the victim) gets nearly
blinded by the light reflected off the terrace door and of course OMB is not
processing an assault and that leads them to Harry…see above.
Ain’t No Party Like An SVU Party
I honestly don’t remember what I was drinking, but I’m in an
airport bar right now with this:
**Airport WIFI SUCKS BUT TRUST ME I'M DRNKING
and yes the typo was on purpose.
Fashion
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but AJ is not impressed.
And, shockingly, the outfit Zoe was wearing in the tape shown in court was the
same one she was wearing in the morning after footage, so, score one for
continuity.
However, I must admit, picturing Harry in a clown suit did
make me chuckle a little.
Sometimes you have to laugh.
Also…we saw CARMEN who is always so cute in her little
dresses. Yep. Scraping the bottom of the barrel here, guys, bear with me.
Quotable
“Excuse me?”
“And you…because you’re the bastard that helps him cover it
up.”
Rollins to the prostitute model after she said she was thrilled
she didn’t have to sleep with Eli and then to Roger after he’s all…”I’m a money
maker, not a pimp.” Rollins gets an A for sarcasm in this ep, particularly when
she throws Eli’s love for efficiency in his face when he’s arrested.
“Let’s focus on his enemies because his friends are too busy
getting rich off him.” This was another #SVUeidteen Benson quote that I suppose
was written with good intentions but came off as insincere and amateurish. OMB
doesn’t talk like this. She sounds silly. And it sounds like MH knows she
sounds silly. And, finally:
“COLLAR HER AS A HOSTILE
WITNESS???????????????????????????????????????????????????????”
You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.
Is it Next Wednesday, Yet?
What a dreadful thing to think about.
After watching the preview clips, I will tell you one thing,
if these motherfuckers removed Tuckson from our screens they better not fucking
so much as gently hint at a Perry-Benson relationship.
Fin’s probably passed the Sergeant’s exam but I wish it was
Rollins and I also wish OMB would let Rollins be her friend, but, #42Minutes so
never mind.
I’m sure Barba’s secret is something like his “designer”
wear is actually an assortment of knock-offs, so don’t worry about bracing
yourselves.
In other news, I spent too much money on vacation as usual,
but, alas! I’m planning to make inroads in the Chinese weight loss market.
Thanks for the tip, Harry.
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