18.3--Wasting Time/Eidunno What Happened to OMB

The Case in 183 Words

Overzealous helicopter parent is willing to trade sex in exchange for admission to the suddenly-prestigious Hudson University, but the admissions director isn’t the admissions director so the mother self-medicates and is found unconscious in the tub of hotel room. Someone resembling Olivia Benson convinces Laura Collett that she was raped. Even though Rafael Barba points out that what happened did not amount to a crime under New York law, he takes the case to trial anyway and is verbally smacked around a few times by Judge Bertuccio who basically tells out Raffie that he’s not merely overreached but made an irresponsible decision in prosecuting the case and, oh, by the way, the judge will overturn a guilty verdict if, in fact, the jury reaches that decision. The character resembling Lieutenant Benson is all like, wtf? at this and Barba explains he has no choice but to plea Tom out with misdemeanor criminal impersonation and Benson’s like, well that sucks, and goes off to tell Laura who has bigger problems because her son, embarrassed and publicly humiliated, took a suicidal nosedive from the balcony.

My Thoughts In Unlimited Words

Wait a sec while I take a puff from my oxygen tank...

First of all, I have a VERY FUCKING HARD TIME believing that this over-involved parent had not registered thousands of clicks on Hudson University's website and surely would have recognized Tom Metcalf as a fraud immediately since, well, Tom's white and the admission guy's black, but oh well, I guess Rick Eid and Gavin Harris aren't familiar with the power of the Internet except for that stupid line about a professor's Instagram page almost like they were sitting around and recognized that plot hole and were like, hmmm, maybe those rabid wacko fans won't notice?

Second of all...and hate me for pointing this out if you want, but WHY does everyone just kind of give Laura Collett a pass for prostituting herself out like that? And by not acknowledging THIS reprehensible, immoral, and unethical decision, her son's suicide seems like a warning to people not to come forward after a sexual assault rather than the desperate act of a teenager unable to handle the pressure of extraordinarily intense expectations and the reality that his mother was willing to do something so drastic for something that didn't really matter to him.

And, excuuuuuuuuuuse me for noticing that once upon a time Warren Leight and Company laid the #Tuckson track (albeit surreptitiously at first but thank you very much) and now it seems that Rick Eid is intent on ripping up the rails like General fucking Sherman's troops and I don't like this one bit. LUCY??? LUCY IS TALKING TO NOAH'S TEACHER??? I get it...she's kinda part of the family but THROW US A BONE, DAMNIT! All you had to do was hit backspace four times and replace "Lucy" with ED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, FFS. EFF EFF ESS! For Fuck's SAKE! The few seconds of Noah/Preschool/Language Development Probs/Fancy school was a thinly developed and almost throwaway setup to parallel whole getting into school frenzy that prompted Mommy to fuck the admissions director who was not the admissions director. Are we supposed to assume OMB was going home and concluding that if Noah did not get into a fancy school he'd be a public school vet like Tom and end up having to lie to bed attractive, well-to-do women? But how would we know? We didn't get to see that part because we had to spend time with some greasy-looking doorman whose character had absolutely no point and also we had to keep seeing Judge Bertuccio browbeat Barba for taking this non-crime to trial.

Speaking of the Judge, ok, yeah, I get it, maybe we're headed for a set up where Barba runs for political office and that maybe clouds or changes his judgement and further drives a wedge between him and Benson but this seemed more like a case of Barba unwilling to say NO to Olivia Margaret Benson or whoever that person is. The Barba I know wouldn't have rolled over so easily. 

And while we're on the subject of politics, I seem to remember Chief Dodds snarkily telling Olivia that she didn't have a political bone in her body...OMB is NOT. IS. NOT. someone who pursues an agenda and she spent all fucking episode not only pursuing an agenda but pursuing one that was, simply, unattainable. Even good old Fin was tacitly calling bullshit. This characterization is so far away from what I know that I almost expected the closing scene to be Olivia calling the headmaster of a fictional Dalton school and arranging a little wink-wink nod-nod tryst to secure sweet Noah's future.

Style Guide

The men stole the show here. Both Carisi and Barba were on point with their tailored suits and, damn, I never get sick of anticipating which snazzy tie Barba will wear next. OMB recycled a couple of blazers, but the olivey-brownish getup she sported in the closing scenes is one I shall replicate in the near future. An unbuttoned top button occurred again and if there was a Tucker I'm sure he'd dig that look but apparently RJB is, like, really busy or something so...

Can Amanda just go back to her plaid?

Fic Writers Could Fill In The Blanks With...

#Tuckson's "complicated" relationship because it's kind of hard for things to be complicated when only one half of the ship is included in the writing....

Ain't No Party Like An #SVU Watch Party

I pregamed at my friend's birthday celebration where I seemed to be under the impression that it was my birthday, so...I opened this bottle when I got home but my husband told me I couldn't have any of it. What a drag.

Garnacha

Quotable

"It's too early to be that jaded."

"Next time I'll wait til noon."

(Is the third episode too early to panic?)

"We were happy. At least, I thought we were." 

(Samesies, Mr. Collett)

"How do I look?"

"Like a cop."

(YES, YOU DO LOOK LIKE A COP, MR. SONNY CARISI AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT)

"You know what's overrated? Wireless and putting lemon in water. I don't get that."

#ArtisanPickles

Is It Next Wednesday Yet?

Sometimes, on days that are not Wednesdays, I zone out and look longingly at the calendar and think about the next #SVU episode and all it might offer but right now I'm...not that person. 

3.0 will be end.point.oh if this continues. 

The characters' lives are what made 2.0 so successful and made me, personally, reinvested in the show. I get it...it's a cop show, but these fake people are PEOPLE and seeing them deal with their own personal challenges in addition to the pressures of a sometimes very ugly job made the plots real and helped the audience connect to the characters and the story. 

I can't help but wonder if even the actors themselves have been thrown for a loop with this new approach because I seem to remember MH all giddy and shit about "new beats" to play moving forward and by new beats I really think she meant #Tuckson and not learning a COMPLETELY NEW CHARACTER.

I am so beyond annoyed at the absence of #Tucker I am literally concerned that I'll damage my keyboard because I'm typing so forcefully. I'm starting to believe that Terrorized might be the peak of S18 #Tuckson and the new guy is content with just leaving that relationship as kind of an off-screen thing and that REALLY PISSES ME OFF and not just because RJB is freaking gorgeous. 

So they mentioned Carisi's #lawyergoals and the banter between him and Rollins was probably the best part of the episode; however, Carisi this season and at the end of last season seems to be really into being a good cop but maybe he'll step into Barba's role if and when Raf runs for office? Or when he gets killed because, again, WAS HE OR WAS HE NOT THREATENED BY SOME BX9 THUG IN THE S17 FINALE? Seriously, ya'll. I swear that happened.

Errrrrybody hold on to your expensive band instruments. KIM'S outta prison. However, if her appearance follows what seems to be Rick Eid's MO, it'll occur in the opening scene for a twenty-or-so second spot, and sort of affect Rollins' perspective throughout whatever uninteresting case Eid's people come up with but otherwise be a non-issue and we'll never hear from or about her again. In Eid's office I bet he's covered a wall with WL's characters and beloved storylines and Eid spends a few minutes each day blindly throwing darts at the wall and whatever is hit is what he'll destroy next. Random, because, the season so far is random and also because the shuffling of episodes after they've already been filmed sort of works against continuity. Insert one dozen angry emojis here.

At the very least, MH/OMB has looked HOT this season and maybe that's another read-between-the-lines thing because she's so happy and in love and oh gawwwwwwwd here I go with #Tuckson again.

Where the hell's the rest of that wine?