Nooch to the Rescue?

It seems like the finale aired years ago. So eager was I to forget #SVU18, I wasn't going to bother with a post like this one. The switch from Leight to Eid (sorry to use your name and his name in the same sentence, Warren) nearly destroyed the show, or, at least, almost permanently tuned out a significant portion of fans. After seventeen seasons, #SVU's staying power had already been proven, what I didn't expect was the ability of one incompetent asshole to so easily deface characters, discount their stories, and crush the core premise of the show.

Seriously, did Rick save Dick Wolf's life at some point? I don't get it.

I suspect I gave Eid too much credit because of articles like this one in which he seemed to have his finger on the pulse of Leight's creation. Season seventeen ended in such a way that it could have been the series finale, there weren't many loose threads, but there were enough unanswered questions for Eid and the writers to roll with new story lines while simultaneously tackling those unfinished stories. To re-read this article now is both depressing and amusing, particularly the segment below.

Frankly, I think he's a psychopath.

Throughout the interview, Eid used the verb "explore" multiple times. We're going to explore this. Explore that. Something I'd like to explore. Except, either he did not understand what explore actually means, or he was neither smart nor clever enough to actually bring his vision to fruition. If the latter is the case, then he also wasn't humble enough to trust the talent in @SVUWritersRoom to take care of it. And we got the most disappointing season in the show's history! Thanks, jerk.

Michael Chernuchin's Summer Agenda:

I. Very carefully watch 2.0. I cannot stress this enough. Take notes. In fact, watch some 1.0s to get the full essence of Olivia Benson. Because we almost lost her in #SVU18.

II. Trust this tweet. 

Nooch is already winning in my book. At least he can be normal on Twitter.

Since we are so smart, there is no reason to abandon "show not tell." One of the dumbest things Eid allowed  was to give Benson and others schoolyard lines such as "let's catch him in a lie" or waste screen time chasing down leads they were only going to rehash in the squad room anyway. Even worse was the apparent insistence on ignoring core issues and conflating victim blaming with "gray areas." Yet another sin was refusing to give us an earnest glimpse into the characters' lives (other than dropping token lines and seconds-long scenes). So...

What not to do:

a. Please refrain from taking the easy way out (crime, arrest, trial, verdict). Rarely does life play out so neatly. Examples: Great Expectations (the hockey hazing one)--a perfect opportunity to explore the increasingly pressure-filled world of youth sports and the potential for permanent damage when adults insist on living vicariously through their children. The same goes for that ridiculous ep where the woman sleeps with the dude who she thinks is the admissions director at Hudson University. Aside from her inability to Google, isn't the broader issue the outrageous hoops we expect high schoolers to jump through in order to attend decent universities? If they can afford them...

b. Why Rape and Trauma Survivors Have Fragmented and Incomplete Memories

Rick took the easy way out and made almost every victim an outright liar, so let's not do that anymore, kay?

c. Nothing pissed me off more than a preview clip teasing a character's background info and then getting maybe a twenty-second glimpse into whatever was mentioned. Remember how deeply Fin connected with Captain Williams since they were both Rangers? Yeah, me neither. Remember when that Barba secret left us in limbo for a few weeks? Hahahahahaha....

Pretty Please?:-)

d. Speaking of the characters....let's work the following into #SVU19 scripts: Fin as grandpa, Declan Murphy (even a mention would be good, can you believe Eid produced a script with a character named Declan and Rollins HAD NO REACTION WHATSOVER ARE YOU KIDDING?), Rollins' evolving relationship with her sister, Barba's threats, Barba's political aspirations, Carisi's lawyer aspirations, we can forget about Carisi's #34B, the weirdness surrounding Fin's promotion (feel free to promote Rollins instead), multi-ep arcs a la Gregory Yates and William Lewis (but if you sic another Lewis-like perp on Benson the fandom will explode), and I seem to remember being promised a "bigger, badder Benson" in one of the #SVU18 articles but that didn't exactly develop...I think that's enough for now.

e. Y'all didn't think I was going to forget #Tuckson, didja?

We all know the break-up was clumsy and abrupt and a little nonsensical since OMB had "never been happier" and then all of a sudden things were "complicated" for a few eps and then a nanny kidnapped Theo which somehow meant Benson was a bad mother and she let Tucker (temporarily?) walk out of the apartment. This was unfair (Leight sorta spent several seasons gradually shifting Tucker into a likable character) and sucked....because I can't get WL's words out of my head....

It was a black and white character thing before…He's a real man. There's a lot of man-boys that we've had in various incarnations. I think he's the real deal and solid as a rock. He's a human being who has learned some lessons too. Again, we've gone more from a black and white conception of Tucker to [shades of gray.] That's part of the way how the show has changed. On what planet does someone as appealing as Olivia Benson not have a spouse in her life?

  

So there is no closure and my heart is still broken, and there is room every once in a while for some #Tuckson and if you would like further reasons why, please click here. 

f. Twitter is not the enemy.

g. If you're unsure about her role, Julie is the official timekeeper. #42Minutes

You haven't deactivated and reactivated your account multiple times, so you're apparently of sounder mind than your predecessor. 

At the moment, that's enough to get me through the summer.

#SVU19

End Eidteen: A slow, painful death

Recap:

The detectives are called to a gruesome rape/homicide/hate crime scene at Samra, a family-owned Inwood restaurant. The investigation is hopelessly lead-less until Yusef, brother/uncle to the victims and frightened undocumented gay Syrian is chased down and IDs one of the perps as a former employee, Hector Ramirez, who had recently been fired because of his own undocumented status. So this seems like good news, but Hector's formidable activist-attorney is a pain in the ass for SVU but the larger pain in the ass is ICE because they snatch Yusef off the street despite Carisi desperately screaming I'M NYPD and Yusef is a material witness in a rape/homicide but the ICE officers could care fucking less and Benson leads everyone from detention center to detention center only to eventually learn Yusef has been swiftly deported, so Barba  has no choice but to drop the charges against Hector, rival immigrant communities erupt into violent clashes, and Hector is held hostage when he's trying to get drunk (gawwwd, I hate it when that happens). Then there's a lot of talking and Benson growing increasingly pissed off and then Eid, in his SVU swan song, sullies Benson one final time and has her threaten Hector's wife with deportation in order to get him to talk (more about this later).

Hector cracks and names his accomplices. Luckily one of them is a really really bad guy who not only rapes people but also abuses his wife but wifey isn't all about cooperating even when Rollins takes a page out of OOC OMB's playbook and threatens HER with arrest and foster care for her son. As if we weren't having enough fun, Hector is shot and killed, and Maya Samra suddenly remembers that the two rapists took their ski masks off during the attack and she saw their faces and Barba's like "ok, cool, let's roll" despite an incredulous Benson going all wtf on him. OMB is already dubious about Barba's case and Maya makes it worse by conveniently claiming on the stand that she told the Lieutenant about seeing the men's faces weeks before Hector died.

Benson refuses to follow Barba's implicit suggestion that she lie on the stand, but we circle back to Carleen who Benson convinces to do the right thing and testify, her husband almost pulls a Johnny D in court when she does so, Barba triumphantly announced the convictions on the courthouse steps, he and Benson make up and there's some exchange about God (wth), but all is not well in our favorite sanctuary city because Dodds shows up with the news that a mosque was firebombed, killing five people. Doleful expressions all around. So much for the celebrating. Except for me. I've never been so elated for an episode and a season to end in my entire life.

Ramblings:

Rollins. Surely you've seen worse crime scenes than this. Ah, it's okay, you're better when you're busting into perps' houses and telling their wives to calm down. Speaking of busting into houses, I love, love, loved #BadassBenson's pursuit of Yusef, but I will never, ever understand how Mariska runs in those boots. I also cannot understand why my idea for an NYC "Olivia Benson Boot 5K" to benefit JHF was never brought to fruition.

You know what else? Too much Dodds. And I think too much Dodds because I'm so worried the writers are going to pair him with OMB and I HATE that because, well, do I have to keep beating this dead horse? Ok, I will, BECAUSE SHE BELONGS WITH TUCKER. In fact, when she went to answer the knock at the door (um, we all knew it wasn't Lucy btw, wouldn't she just maybe give a courtesy knock and let herself in at this point?) for a split second I completely forgot __k __d wrote this ep with his lackey and thought, ooooo, maybe they're surprising us with Tucker and intentionally didn't credit him and she called him because Barba asking her to lie on the stand just about made her head explode and she needed some Tuckversation and--FUCK it's fucking Chief Dodds. The good news is, their parting words seemed more on the mentor-mentee level and I'm cool with that. However, I still argue the residual effects of Mike's death were not properly addressed in eidteen (more about that in a future, all-eidteen-encompassing post), and they hurried this new chummy relationship...would have been a nice subplot to this season but SOMEBODY REMIND ME THIS IS EIDTEEN, DAMMIT. Get it together, AJ. Also, the stab at a Community Policing-esque ending was an eid and a miss.

Okay, so, suggestion for 19....never mind I'll save that for later.

Nexto...I'm all about tapping into crises and uncertainty, how-fucking-ever, when one tries to cram every single socioeconopolitical (yes, I created a word) issue into #42Minutes times two, the preaching gets in the way of the story which wasn't all that good to begin with. Rulie began their "rant" with the EPA and continued to include "a perfect American family." sanctuary city, refugee camps, sanctuary city, Muslim travel ban, sanctuary city, undocumented people living in the shadows, sanctuary city, Trump sycophants, sanctuary city, MATERIAL WITNESS IN A RAPE-HOMICIDE,  Mexicans love tequila and raping, sanctuary city. Did I mention sanctuary city?

Why must Rulie force these actors to constantly state the obvious? Or have Carisi and Fin act like kids who just got their first Playskool forensics kit and have Carisi say "so you're saying someone else was here during the commission of the crime?" COME ON. This is bordering on satire.

The thing is, wherever your opinions fall in our country's current state of fucked-up-ness, NONE of these issues are new or unfamiliar. What did stoke my interest and could've been at the center of these eps is the tension between immigrant communities. Too often "immigrants" are seen as one faceless mass and we discount the fact that, in this episode's case, the Hispanic and Muslim communities were about as friendly to one another as Pope Francis looked in his photos with Trump. Why not create a story there? Why not peel back some layers and show there is more to immigration reform than simple legislation?

Eid, you were going all out tonight, weren't ya, brother? Let's forget about Barba asking Benson to lie for a second and focus on the fact that BARBA WOULD HAVE KNOWN a ten-year-old schoolboy (not even a gifted one!) would immediately poke holes in Maya's story. Why let Maya testify without first trying their damnedest to flip Lisa Munson, er, Carleen?

And...just to be petty...Liv's totally okay with Noah perched on the chair three feet from the floor all by himself and she broke up with Tucker because the kid climbed on the counter to reach for a cookie?

Ain't No Party Like An #SVU Party.

No, I didn't drink all of it, I was simply gathering recycling. I also had tropical punch flavored vodka but the last time I drank that I mistook it for Tahitian Treat and was out of commission for three days. Getting old sucks. 

Fashion:

Can we get Fin out of the blazer? He looks uncomfortable. He hasn't been promoted. Sergeant Rollins is #SVU19 #Goals. Not sure how all that would shake out but that's why we have writers like Kevin.

Benson in camel. Love. But Benson with her hair pulled back in that clip and aviators...just...I wish once in my life, maybe on Halloween or something, to look half that badass. Did that make sense?

Also, I noticed Carisi had a tie bar and Tucker wears a tie bar and I miss Tucker.

Quotable.

"Muslim restaurant." I am totally being serious here. I'm Catholic. I would not classify my people's cuisine as "Catholic." Are we talking Halal? Are we talking Middle Eastern? Or Indonesian? Or am I being too nitpicky? 

"Let's calm down." This was after Barba discounted Hector's fingerprints on the security camera. The thing is, nobody was really worked up at that point. Which leads me to... "Intense" I STG, Twitter people, I really would like specific, very personal, intricate stories in which you explain what was so
"intense" about this episode. I often check the clock during #SVU, but I never wish it would move FASTER. JFC.

"Or else I'm gonna have to do something that...that I've never done before." Do I need to elaborate? At least I'll be able to work this line into my fic. I didn't think eidteen could top its previous crimes against OMB but this one took the cake. Nice work, Dick. I mean Rick. I mean both.

Is It Next Wednesday, Yet?

"It was a hell of a year."

I have a feeling Mariska was only half in-character when she uttered that line.

19.1 Fox/Feeney: 1 Indiana: 0

Recap:

Ann and her church group (including creepy sycophantic lights out girl) visit New York to do volunteer work and Ann reunites with her old friend Lydia. After hanging out in the hotel bar, Ann slips Lydia a key so she can presumably return after all the whackos are asleep. In the meantime,someone knocks on the door and Ann is raped. Lydia finds her, shocked and dazed, on the floor and Lydia concludes to the detectives that she had been raped because "she's a lesbian!"

After Rev Gary redirects the detectives to two boys who tried to buy the girls shots, Lucas Hull admits to saving Ann's soul through curative intercourse which I have trouble typing without wincing which leads to a classic WTF moment between Carisi and Rollins (and a Google by me to see if this is actually a thing and of course it is, thank you, writers, reminds me of the time I had to search "Coney Island Whitefish." #SVU--increasing my knowledge of things I never wanted to know since 1999).

In a nice few minutes of writing and directing (fist bump, Alex Chapple), Lucas and Ann tell us all about their understanding of God's law and the NYC detectives are understandably flabbergasted to hear both Ann and Lucas justify and characterize rape as a remedy for the "sin" of homosexuality.

Ann's parents show up and take her back to the hotel over the objections of everyone sane and Evan Braun (Johnny D's sleazeball lawyer) shows up to defend Lucas using the argument that "curative intercourse" is protected under the First Amendment.  After a heart-to-heart with Benson, Ann decides to cooperate even though mommy is mostly concerned about her being shunned by the church and by her community, Lucas is charged with first-degree rape, Benson restrains herself from strangling Ann's mother, Barson agrees God cannot have the last word, and the judge refuses to dismiss the case, so we go to trial.

Ann testifies she did not consent, but a taped session with Reverend Gary shows up and throws a wrench in the prosecution's case; however, he mentions Lucas had to be forgiven to which Barba argues, well, there must be a crime then, but neither cross examination seems to be swaying the jury so Benson heads off to dig up dirt on the guy who emerges as the real criminal, Reverend Gary. As it turns out, Gary's been paying boys to rape girls for years and he was getting a twofer with Lucas and Ann. The Rev makes himself a martyr in his God's eyes by agreeing to plead guilty to criminal facilitation, but Benson's still pissed and I'm still pissed but hopefully Lucas (when he gets out of prison) and Ann can unshackle themselves from the demagoguery they've been imprisoned under for much of their lives.

Ramblings:

INDIANA!!! LOLOLOL. Mike Pence country. Take that, Veep. How much you wanna bet NOBODY from SVU is planning a trip to the Hoosier State any time soon. Speaking of Indiana, the actor who played Ann kept turning her hick accent on and off, but that was the most annoying part of the episode which is a huge accomplishment for season eidteen.

Can we get a standing ovation for cl-ASSIC Benson showing up in the rain and helping Ann see the secular light? I wasn't as shocked as some Tweeps to hear OMB say she believes in God, after all she did take it upon herself to baptize Noah as a Unitarian to "ground" him. That scene was Benson at her absolute best. You can always tell when the real writers are in control of the script. Did y'all get this written and filmed with you-know-who was visiting Mar-A-Lago? Or was he cloistered away somewhere already plotting how to fuck up Chicago?

The intersection of religion and the law is something SVU has taken on several times, but never before has the timing been this relevant. The writers pulled off an important sociopolitical message without being too pedantic or too preachy. Our country's fundamental laws ARE NOT tools to aid and abet bigotry or construct parameters around love. The First Amendment tethers the GOVERNMENT; it does not provide room for people such as Reverend Gary to use criminal behavior to serve a religious agenda.

FYI: Kip Pardue played Ronnie Bass in Remember the Titans and Ronnie Bass kissed Gary Bertier in the locker room.

Guess what, Kevin Fox and Brendan Feeney? I never ONCE thought to myself oh, this scene is pointless and awful, yet another example of how the #42Minutes could have been used for some #Tuckson. However, I have not given up on this ship and I do not expect Benson or you or the next showrunner to give up either.

#Tuckson is God's plan.

Ain't No Party Like An #SVU Party

I had one of these at the airport where I had to go to retrieve my lost and now found luggage. Do you have any idea how depressing it is to go to the airport and NOT fly anywhere? 

Fashion:

Benson had a nice brown leather and black jacket-shell combo I don't recall seeing before and Barba wins ties forever and ever. Kudos to Wardrobe for doing such a nice job with the Pence-approved Indiana wear.

Quotable:

"Therefore there was tacit consent." This kind of shit is why people hate lawyers.

"This is me delegating." GUYS! Fin is NOT Sergeant material I don't know how many times I have to say this, JFC, register Rollins for that fucking exam, please. 

"Do you know what the most frightening part is? He actually believes he's doing the right thing." By the end of this case OMB must have needed a few drinks. Poor Lieu had had it with all this God's law bullshit.

"You know, he said, she said, God said. You don't want God to get the last word."
No we do not. Not in fiction and not in real life either.

"How can love--any love--be wrong?" Shouldn't we be past this question? Yes, we should be. But a significant portion of the population is not. The fight continues.

"And with faith." I'm certain after Ann added this declaration to Benson's final lecture our Lieu turned around and muttered what the fuck? Like, I am 100% sure.

Is It Next Wednesday, Yet?

Prediction: Carisi's #34B will go away with fuckface; I'm all for continuity, but I ship Barisi.

Writers and stars tweeting. I didn't want to throw my phone through the television. A sensitive topic handled with skill and sensitivity.

More of this, please.

Pop an asterisk next to eidteen and let's move on. Time to get the band back together.

Eid.18: We got to see Calhoun Again!

Recap:

Ayahuasca! Definitely had to Google that. Sounds interesting. Even more interesting after whatever that was I just watched. Holy hell.

Even though it pains me, here we go.

Abby is raped at Declan Trask's retreat by Declan Trask. At first her description points to her having been drugged, but her tox screen comes back negative, Trask says the sex was consensual, and the detectives go from Manhattan to Jersey to the Hamptons to dig up dirt on Trask who used to be hooked on drugs before hypnotherapy helped him kick the habit but gave him the tools to become a rapist. They go to trial, Abby has an itsy bitsy skeleton in her closet which causes her boyfriend Steven to storm out of court and probably her life, but there's also evidence that Trask is a liar and a horrible person who lets is friends OD and then crashes a car into a light post in Philly, so the jury finds him guilty and we spend the last couple of minutes watching OMB relationship counsel Abby when she coulda been meeting Tucker and Noah at the park.

Ramblings:

Why are the writers this season intent on showcasing MH's reading skills? Is it really necessary to read text when it's shown on screen (or, in the case of Declan's "confession" to Jack, when it had already been said once)?

And DECLAN? I spent half the episode thinking about Lt. Murphy which, I suppose, wasn't all that bad. But why not have Rollins maybe, REACT to the name a little bit? I mean, we have another piece of the #34B puzzle (raw food, ick, I'm with Rollins), and Fin a) went on a Reiki retreat with a girlfriend and b) has a cousin who used to smoke (Tucker, are you still sneaking cigs, dude?) and c) has luxury apartment envy, and Rollins doesn't at least get to roll her eyes at the thought of her absent baby daddy?

I really need to stop using superlatives because every time I type "worst" the next ep just supplants the last as the WORST OF THE SEASON AND MAYBE THE SERIES (I'd rather watch a continuous loop of Beef, Wildlife, the Gaming one, Star Struck Victims, ALL Dani Beckisodes and the ones with Lake...on second thought, that's going too far). First, it was boring. Second, please tell me why we had to follow the squad to all of the interviews with retreat guests? Couldn't we just have debriefed in the squad room like they did anyway and seen Tucker making breakfast for OMB and Noah instead? Third, kudos to the actors. Love love love love you. But even the most prolific acting cannot save a script seemingly written by a ten-year-old (see quotes below).

Where the fuck is Carmen? Did she lose the hypnosis expert's JFK arrival information or something? One would think in a Rohypnol case Barba would have at least grabbed a resident leaving the night shift at Bellevue to testify about the drug's effects. But...hypnosis? Ok, Raffie, you're cute and well-dressed and once unsuccessfully prosecuted a similar case so the jury will believe you. AND THEY DO?!?!?!

*Scratches head
WTF?

And another thing--if Abby was sooooo worried about Steven's feelings, why didn't she tell him about that letter before court?

I cannot believe Rita Calhoun didn't immediately ask the judge to set aside the verdict. Abby's credibility was damaged and the rebuttal witness? Well, come on. How significant is it really that the former heroin addict didn't save his junkie buddy from an overdose when he himself was high on heroin? TWENTY-TWO YEARS AGO. And also, during his summation, Barba said Declan confessed to raping Abby which he didn't actually do because he called bullshit on Jack's convo. And we just trust that the recording of Abby consenting is legit? Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Also, May 1 was a busy fucking day--Duca loses in motions court, Endless Truthers threaten Jesse and Noah, Rollins and Benson ship them to Jersey with Lucy, they track down another hacker and set up Ronald Fleming, AND they are in court for the first day of Trask's trial. Superwomen, indeed.

Ain't No Party Like An #SVU Party:

Had a few of these at my pool party earlier in the evening. Drunk tweets have been deleted. I really did think I sounded witty. Even the one with jkdfhksgfgahjrgfiygerhjgblkr :-)

Fashion:

I think it's time to refresh the wardrobe, people. However, there is something about Rita Calhoun's suits that I sort of love...even her clothes are stern and unrelenting.

Quotable:

"What are we missing?"
"Are you suggesting she was hypnotized?"
"Declan Trask will walk free."
"Do you think you can get this in?"
All of the above are samples from the collection of hackneyed, simplistic dialogue that has come to characterize Eidteen's scripts. Did I miss the article about how they did an audience study and the results found the need to dumb down the lingo? I know they do that type of shit at USA Today but this is SVU, people! Only smart folks watch this show. 

LOL.

"If you want him back, fight for him."
"Who knows, maybe it'll all work out."
  THIS coupled with the protracted Barba stare got me all Tucksony again. You weren't talking about Abby and Steven, were you Raf?

Is It Next Wednesday, Yet?

Is there a quota of Benson closing her eyes and looking repulsed in reaction to something said or done in court shots? Because if there is, I believe you directors have hit it. Please stop. Once is enough. And you even dragged Rita into it this time.

Eid.17: Real Ugly Cluster&*%$

Recap:

Congressman Luke Bolton shows up at SVU and demands Lt. Benson and Co. investigate fake allegations of Bolton's participation in a sex trafficking ring (not) operating out of the Coral Dragon restaurant. Benson doesn't appear to want to do this but she does anyway, probably a good move considering he is a Congressman after all. They head over to The Endless Truth's HQ (a.k.a. Duca's apartment) and Rollins is steady with shade as he weaves a dragon's tail, a vegetable, and some snaps of fathers and daughters into a citizen's indictment of the Coral Dragon. At the restaurant, Fin and Carisi are welcomed by the owner and then have to disarm and arrest an Ammon Bundy wannabe who somehow was walking around Chinatown with a giant fucking rifle. However, Bolton is right. Ten minutes into the episode Benson's on the news announcing the Dragon is all good and legit and not housing teenage prostitutes in their basement which they don't have anyway. Case one, closed. So, since there are thirty or so minutes to fill, back at SVU it is discovered that an Endless Truther has discovered a real sex trafficking site on the dark web. At One PP the indifferent and jaded computer crimes lady pointlessly schools the detectives on how good child porn addicts are at covering their tracks but, guess what, Luke Bolton's name pops up, he's obviously been hacked, maybe by Serbia, maybe by Russia, who the hell knows, so they go back to Duca who refuses to relinquish his hard drive to assist SVU in catching the real bad guys and ADA not Rafeal Barba argues successfully to force Duca to give them up. Case Closed...again.

But wait there's more!

While TARU and facial recognition and NCMEC are doing the work, SVU's about ready to celebrate and move on to the next case, but a pissed off Duca has posted pictures of Benson with Noah and Rollins with Jesse who he apparently had followed just in case he needed ammunition for retribution after the judge's ruling didn't go his way. Benson neck scratches and morphs into Mama Bear Mode, demands they arrest Duca for breathing, ships Noah and Jesse off to the Garden State with Lucy, and Benson comes close to pulling a Hank Voight in the interrogation room until Fin pulls her out and he and Rollins tell her One PP has the hacker...another one, who leads them back to initial suspect and past and present perv Ronald Fleming who almost kills himself but leads SVU to the actual sex trafficker, well, eventually, they finally find the correct basement and liberate the girls.

But it's still not over!

OMB threatens Duca, is reunited with Noah, but not for long, sorry little man, because Benson must go to the Coral Dragon to remind the idiots on scene to get his teenage daughter out of there so she doesn't have to sit five feet away from her blood-covered dead father. Oh, wait. That didn't happen. #FakeNews

Ramblings...

So what we have here is a sampler of three #SVU plotlines that have been previously used and explored (in depth!) in one sampler-platter (#42Minute) show. The squad has had its share of run-ins with provocative and unscrupulous journalists (not that I would call Duca a journalist). Noah has been a point of contention more times that he needed to be. And, sex trafficking? See Johnny D.; see Cousin Eugene (DAMN I promise I meant to avoid Tucker thoughts today).

The thing is, though these three storylines put together in a mishmash with some token details for "continuity's" sake make for an episode so convoluted that, by the time Bolton was lying dead in the middle of the Coral Dragon I was exhausted.

The Fake News perpetrator, Duca, was never punished or held accountable (other than being deprived of his hard drive). It would have been entirely more poignant and timely to really dive into this issue and I would have loved to see Barba finagle a criminal case out of what everyone seems to assume is protected speech. Also, this ended up being about catching the super adept hacker on the dark web, not necessarily "fake news." 

The sex trafficking "ring" wasn't really a ring--it was apparently some asshole named Jerry pimping out girls from his basement...but those girls came from somewhere and were lured by someone other than Jerry. Where's the rest of it? Hey--would've been a great time to loop in Declan, even if by mention only (I have more to say about Declan, hang on).

Finally, I'm really getting tired of Noah either being in bed or being part of a case, but in this particular case, the door seemed to be open to maybe maybe maybe accuse Benson and SVU and IAB (Tucker again) of, perhaps, orchestrating Johnny D's suicide-by-cop. Instead we get some bullshit about single moms and, oh, those kids must be payoffs because how else would single female cops get kids. 

Benson freaking the fuck out at her son being targeted was understandable; however, I did not like the implication that she would invent crimes and evidence in order to exact revenge on Duca. That scene with him at the end was badass, but, come on, Liv, are you really going to risk everything to set up that POS?

#622 on the list, huh, Fin? Please can we have Rollins as Sarge instead? I wasn't impressed with Fin. I hope Eid isn't fixing his lines to make him look like a dolt because of what Ice-T said about "Unstoppable." I don't care how many times he barks "Shut up," he and his lines seemed insignificant and maybe a bit amateurish.

So, once upon a time Rollins had an awesome nanny (remember Mike telling her to go home?) and I can't believe Declan would shirk child support so money shouldn't be an issue. All this to say the babysitter just not showing up was weird. Thank gawwwwd for sweet Lucy and also for Jersey grocery stores. Come on, Rollins.

And also, how did the unis miss the fucking gun in Fleming's office? 

Ain't No Party Like An #SVU Party

Jamie on the rocks.

Fashion

Benson wins green.

Props to Rollins for scoring those adorable Ugg-ish boots for Jesse. I balked at Noah's jacket with the fur-lined hood at first, but then I remembered OMB bought it for him, and I'm never objecting to OMB's fashion choices.

Quotable

"That baby is not a mystery. That baby is my son." Swoon. I know, I know, everyone went gaga over that but....GAHHHHHHHH

"Fleming said a black one." #BensonSarcasm

"Lucy has a doggie." Oh, Noah, that reminds me of the last time you mentioned a dog...

"Who eats dinner at four o'clock?" Ok, Duca, but, seriously, now that we know your "evidence" was a whole bunch of nothing...my real problem with Rep. Bolton's email was the fact he felt so strongly about broccoli. WTF?

Is It Next Wednesday Yet?

Can't say I'm disappointed to see Rita Calhoun again. I assume she's back on the bad guy's side and, therefore, a thorn in SVU's. Eid has pretty much either obliterated personal stories or brushed them aside, so I assume we will not hear any more about Carisi being a lawyer or Kim or Declan or Fin's grandson, or the threats against Barba...

Speaking of our beloved ADA...WOULD THIS NOT HAVE BEEN A PERFECT EP TO AIR AFTER "Know It All?" Ya know, when we were supposed to wonder about Barba's fate?

Lastly, I hope MH is going on an extended vacay to celebrate her emancipation because, damn, was I the only one who noticed or perceived how desperately she was trying to single-handedly make this episode tolerable?